my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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