We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
