this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
