My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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