Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
