I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
