I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
false alarm. still invincible.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
