We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
