we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
