Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
