Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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