I faked an abortion last night.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
