Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
