you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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