I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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