just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
