I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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