My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
