Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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