Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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