sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
