Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
