i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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