woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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