please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize