now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
