I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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