i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Randomize
