you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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