do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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