Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
