She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
