I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
