Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
