forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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