fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
