well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
