I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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