I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
