Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
