You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
