I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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