Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
