I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
