Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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