I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
