i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
