I just threw up on my dentist
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
