no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
