White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
