Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
