saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
