TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
