I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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