I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
