dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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