The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
