i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
