i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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