So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
