i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Randomize
