me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
