Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
