I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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