it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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