Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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