She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize