I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
